[Todd ~ Denver CO]
We were attempting to play Texas hold em’ after drinking and smoking. During one hand, we were waiting for the last card and we all sat there in silence for way too long, when finally our friend grew impatient and yelled out:
Friend: Who ever’s the dealer needs to burn it and turn it!
We then reminded her that she was the dealer and was even holding the cards.
[T ~ CS]
Lost in the mall while shroomed up and attempting to find our car. When asked, I remembered that we’d passed by the Food Court some time ago, so I relayed the information as best I could.
Friend: Hey, where’d we park the car?
Me: I don’t know. I think it was near some food.
Friend: Oh, yeah – I remember that!
[Krissy ~ Lincoln, NE]
My husband and I had just smoked a bowl and we settled into the pillows on our bed to get comfortable;
Husband: Oh man, being high feels sooo good.
Me: It’s like relaxing in a hot tub. . . but there’s no water.
Husband: Yeah. . . we just smoke that hot tub.
We now refer to the act as “smoking a hot tub”.
[Brad ~ AZ]
We were out drinking with our buddy, Tim because he had just broken up with a girl and was feeling pretty bad about it. When talking about it at the bar, this exchange happened:
Tim: I just keep wondering if it was the right thing to do, you know?
Kent: Well, you know what I say? It’s better to take out the trash, than to wind up fuckin’ it for ten years.
[Tom ~ Oregon]
I had a really horrible bottle of scotch in my cabinet. So bad I had to make my friend try some, so that he could see how bad it was. He took one sip and said this:
Friend: This is so bad I feel like I should break some of your plates.
[Cam ~ Vancouver, Washington]
The morning after a party three of us were making breakfast and just loudly goofing around in the kitchen. Our hung over friend was trying to sleep on the couch in the adjacent living room. He finally had enough and he yelled at us.
Friend: Hey, shut up or I’ll beat you with my stitch of elm!
[Lars - San Leandro, CA]
My friend and I bought a 12 pack to split while we played video games. After I finished my 5th beer I realized he drank my 6th.
Me: Man, you drank my last one!
Friend: It’s cool you can still count after five beers, that’s probably when I lost track.
[Shazbot- Somewhere in Australia]
Waking from a drunken sleep, the reply didn’t miss a beat.
A: Whats that?
J: What is it, boy? go follow it!
[Royal- NY]
“We all know jesus died on the cross, but what this book presupposes is, Maybe he didn’t?”
Variation of a quote from Owen Wilson’s character, Eli Cash on Royal tennenbaums.
[Steve]
Checkin out some webcomics with an older buddy of mine. Came across a real winner- when my friend exclaimed as if he was gunna die
Hit print man! I need that!
we printed it out for him… he says he reads it every day.